5 Signs You Are Practicing Perfectionism
What is perfect?
I am not sure, but I do know there are a lot of people putting self-prescribed pressure on themselves trying to live up to it. As if true success and wholeness is reaching a certain pinnacle … in some invisible game we never signed up for.
The truth is, perfectionism is an unobtainable standard we -- mostly women-- are placing on ourselves without truly knowing if our “vision” of perfection is actually something we want.
That antiquated version of what life “should” look like is the avocado you cut into two days too late… trash. But yet, so many of us are still trying to attain it.
Is “perfect” what society says we should be doing? While that may be the prevailing message, I certainly hope not.
Humans are complex, so complex that we aren't always able to be honest with ourselves about what WE want.
Let this sink in: we try to train ourselves to hide and avoid thinking and feeling things we do not want to be true. We often like to lie to ourselves about how to go about what we want. Perfectionism is an insidious part of human nature that tells you you are not enough. A cycle in which one knows perfection does not exist, but continues to be strived for.
The first stop on the journey away from perfectionism is recognizing and acknowledging you may have this mindset and, first and always, being kind to yourself.
Here are some potential signs you might be practicing perfectionism:
You find yourself ruminating over a choice you made. Do you often think how things would be different if only…? No good can be done from replaying a decision over and over again, obsessing over how you could’ve or should’ve made a different decision. This quickly spirals into the second sign...
Beating yourself up. Negative self talk, being mean, or harsh is the opposite of building your confidence. When you feel confident in your decisions, they are not as difficult to make because you trust yourself. Give yourself the time to realize you could have done something differently and then work to remember to implement it the next time.
Comparing yourself to the highlight reel of someone else’s life. Are you scrolling social media obsessing over the gorgeous, well-decorated, pristinely clean apartment of someone you follow? Wondering how their children are “always” dressed without a stain or hair out of place? Looking at your wardrobe thinking you need to spend more to get the same vibe as @whatstheirname? Social media is amazing for providing connection, especially after all we have been through over the last 2 years, but it is not always the best at showing the unbelievably messy hard parts of life. The ones that everyone (yes, everyone) experiences.
Struggling to get started, hand something in, or move on from a project because it just isn't… “right” [You know the word I want to use here... PERFECT.] The goal of perfection is keeping you from progress, from moving on, and sometimes growing. Like the saying goes, sometimes done is better than perfect.
Setting impossibly high standards for yourself and/or others can set you up for failure. One of my favorite exercises is to write down all the things you think need to happen for things to go exactly how you want them and see if it is actually feasible. Are the demands you are placing on yourself or others realistic?
In a city that often rewards productivity and success it is easy to hide your perfectionist tendencies. Over-working, for example, might be rewarded, but hustle culture can quickly become a problem. There are many maladaptive ways of coping with stress that can cause you to tirelessly work towards feeling relief. However, striving for perfection can quickly burn you out and leave you with nothing left to give yourself and to those around you.
Life is messy and through our mistakes, accuracy, wins, frustration, and failures we are able to learn and grow. That is the beautiful part about it.
Give yourself time to truly think about what you want. What do you want your life to look like, why? When you know, you can go after it with reckless abandon and if you trip or fumble along the way, process the feeling and remind yourself that it is ok.
And, remember, to always, ALWAYS, give yourself grace.