Are you singing the holiday blues?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year… right?!?

We have all been through a hell of a time since COVID shifted how we live. The restriction of not being able to gather in typical fashion has been very hard for people. So this year, with the help of time, masks, vaccines, and knowledge, it may feel particularly special for people looking forward to gathering with loved ones near and far. 

The holidays are a hallmark time --see what I did there?-- for people to see those in their life that they do not get to see regularly. College kids come home, international trips are flown, and the yearly commitment- whether by obligation or excitement- of seeing your friends, family, etc is made. For many, it really is the most wonderful time of the year.

But for many others, it’s just… not! 

With COVID’s influence, people have more regularly taken the time to be aware of how they are feeling and the most wonderful time of year makes a lot of people feel like shit. 

Have you been on the other end of a well meaning question about what you are getting your parents, knowing you won’t be getting your parents anything because they passed? 

Or desperate to bask in the warm glow of the love you had with an ex, who inconveniently moved on, while you watch droves of couples get engaged?

Wishing you could afford that flight to friends, wanting to give your children more than you can afford, hoping your sibling won't be drunk this year, anxious about the questions that always come about when you’ll have kids, why you aren’t eating, or why you are eating “so” much? 

Walking into a setting that is supposed to be “great and warm” knowing the people you love don’t accept you isn’t at all the image that comes to mind when people dream up the next Lifetime holiday movie. 

It’s really hard to go into this season with the expectation that everything - every relationship, every moment - should be filled with joy. Let’s be clear, there’s no time of the year when life looks like that. Life is always happening- good, bad, and ugly. 

Don’t get me wrong, I happen to love this time of year, but I don’t love the idea that this time is good for everyone or that it can automatically pull people out of their hard times. It can and might for some, but joy and sadness often go hand in hand.

So this holiday season, let’s be kinder to ourselves and others. Make no assumptions whether this is the most fantastic time or the absolute worst time of someone’s life. 

The holidays are a time of great giving, so let’s lead with the genuine desire to show up for someone, whether with gratitude, support, love…

Or just lowered expectation that someone is “simply having a wonderful Christmas time.”