Emotional Spending at Starbucks
I have had a lot of trouble trying to figure out how to come back to writing, social media-ing, and being present with all the upsetting things happening in our country.
Processing and holding it all has been difficult!
I could probably burst into tears right now if I let myself, and I say LET- very specifically.
See, I, like many, have been trained - and have trained myself - to determine when it is ok and to what level I display emotion. I wish I could say this was solely because of my training as a therapist. While that has helped, it is mostly from my experiences a Black woman that I understand the nuances of outward displays of emotion.
But, today’s post isn’t about the ways society and culture have told us it is not ok to show our emotions;it is about what we do with said emotions.
A friend of mine aptly described parenting as continually building a house of cards. With every responsibility comes a new layer of cards, with every detail a new card is added. You get the point.
Well, recently, my house of cards had to withstand a stiff breeze when Hand, Foot, and Mouth (AKA Coxsackie) decided it wanted to come and play. Woof!
Thankfully, everyone is well and healthy now. But, on one particularly difficult day, processing the grief alongside many others around the country and managing the day-to-day that comes along with caring for sick children, I decided I NEEDED Starbucks. I was opening the app and ordering before I caught myself: why did I feel it necessary to buy something to help myself feel better?
Now, let me preface this with the following:I have no qualms about people spending money on things they love, things they like, or things that bring them joy. And let me tell you, I get a lot of joy from lemonade, music, and sitting in the car. Additionally, I am lucky enough that purchasing my sugary lemonade mixed drink wouldn’t impact my finances.
What struck me most was why I felt like buying something was going to make me feel better. I wasn’t craving lemonade or even thinking about it when I decided I should make the purchase. It was about making the purchase itself.
I know why this is, but I was caught off guard by how quickly my mind went there.
In the famous words of Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, “I couldn’t help but wonder…” How frequently do other people mindlessly purchase things in effort to make themselves feel better? To escape something? To feel something?
I could rail against marketing, advertising, capitalism, etc but I’m not going to. I understand why these industries serve a purpose. There is a time and place for that, neither are right now.
What we do need is to create more space for people. Space to be- to pause- to become aware of why they are making purchases. Mindful purchasing if you will.
Mindless spending can quickly lead to overspending, YOLO-ing in hopes of changing your mood- so much is attached to our behaviors with money. Taking a moment to search yourself for why you are spending may lead to deeper clarification about yourself.
If you’d like to begin to transition from mindless spending to mindful spending, begin by asking yourself these questions before your next purchase:
Is this a want or a need?
If it is a want, am I ok with spending on a want right now?
What am I trying to achieve?
Am I purchasing this in response to something?
With the immense amount of disruption we continue to face, I hope you find time to reconnect to yourself. Buy the Starbucks… I know I do sometimes, but be aware of why. Give yourself permission to pay attention to what you are feeling. To be aware of what you need. Free of judgment.